Wanderer


  • Photographer
    Toko Shiiki
  • Prize
    Honorable Mention
  • Company/Studios
    Toko Shiiki Imagery
  • Date of Photograph
    2011 October - December
  • Technical Info
    4 x 5 camera, Darkroom print

Since 8 years old, I have experienced a psycho-physical condition in which my arms don't feel like mine anymore. Since adulthood, this has happened to me less frequently. However, after moving to the US, this condition began to reoccur, more often. Last summer, I decided to face this issue. I opened an old box inside me. I recalled memories, wrote about them, imagined places where I might go, and photographed. By examining the images one by one, to find where my depersonalized body has gone. Through this process, I have endured much grief. But now, somehow, I can also smile at these images.

Story

Since 8 years old, I have experienced a psycho-physical condition in which my arms don't feel like mine anymore. They are heavy and paralyzed, from elbow to fingertips. My body becomes like stone. I'm both here and not here. I feel dissociated from the reality that I usually believe in. There is a veil over me. The world around me becomes desaturated. Blurred vision. Stagnant sound. It is not pleasant. 

Since adulthood, this has happened to me less frequently. However, after moving to the US, this condition began to reoccur, more often. Last summer, I decided to face this issue. I opened an old box inside me. There are many pieces of old days in it. Gradually, I have begun to discover certain patterns that seem to trigger this childhood condition. Can I release these deeply-rooted responses?

I recalled memories, wrote about them, imagined places where I might go, and photographed. By examining the images one by one, to find where my depersonalized body has gone.
Through this process, I have endured much grief. But now, somehow, I can also smile at these images.

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